Coming Down

i am coming down
with a pipe in my hand
and you by my side

i know you see me
but i am not what u
want when we are

coming down
from this tremendously
devastating high

so now i

i rip up the pages
that i have filled
into tiny shred

of all the lies
that were put
into my head

i smoke another cigarette
to feel the nicotine
sting my lips

all to not remember

but i remember
the luxury of
days and nights
of getting high

i tried to toss away
so many times

i rip up the pages
i have unwritten
still inside my head
to erase the pain
of all the lies
he once said

i still think about
the times i laid down
on the floor looking up
into his searching eyes
and hoped he would find me there
and he'd whisper to me his thoughts
i'd otherwise never have the chance to hear
and i'd try to listen through the dull tones ringing in my ears
and whisper back to him through the din how i still loved him through this all, withdrawl.